Pranks
by Robyn Hood
Summary: Hardison tries to teach Parker how to prank people, starting with Eliot as the target, but things get a little out of hand. Rated T for slight inuendo.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I verydo not own Leverage. Why do we always put these? This is an _fan_fiction site. Isn't that understood? Oh, well. Enjoy! Please review if you like it!

Parker, Hardison, and Eliot filed into Nate's apartment, arguing.

"It ain't my fault!" Eliot said defensively.

"You could have blown the entire thing!" Parker retorted.

"Parker's right. You were _very_ awful," Hardison commented.

"Shh!" Nate's voice quieted the three thieves. "Sophie's trying to get some rest."

"You're not mad that Eliot nearly ruined the job?" Parker asked, curiosity filling her voice.

"Yes, I'm mad." Nate downed a swig of Scotch, "but I'm not going to yell and wake Sophie up."

"Where is Sophie?" Hardison asked.

"Upstairs." Nate refilled his glass.

The three thieves shared a look, knowing that the only bed upstairs was Nate's.

"You might want to change your sheets or somethin'," Hardison said before making gagging noises and pretending to throw up. He gave Nate one of his looks that said "you know what I mean?"

"She's not throwing up anymore, Hardison. But she may if she hears how badly things went tonight." Nate eyed Eliot.

"What? It ain't my fault! I'm not a grifter anyway!" Eliot protected himself.

"You were pretty awful," Parker added. She held out a duffel bag to Nate, as if just remembering that she was carrying it. "Here's the money for the client."

Nate took it. "Thanks, Parker. Now all of you go home and get some rest."

"Okay, but I think we all learned an important lesson tonight." Hardison said, looking around at the group and nodding.

"Never let Eliot be the grifter?" Parker guessed.

"Don't do a con without Sophie?" Nate said, remembering the time when Hardison played the grifter.

"Yes to both, but also, _never_ make Hardison the bait _ever_ again." Hardison scowled at Nate. This was the second time he had played the helpless bait.

"But you're so good at it!" Eliot quipped.

Hardison opened his mouth to retort, but Nate cut him off. "Goodnight! Now everyone go home."

They all turned to leave when Hardison noticed the large sweat stains on Eliot's shirt, "Hey, dude, do you always sweat like a pig when you're nervous? I know them guys had you on edge and all--"

Eliot looked down, "I wasn't nervous. It was just hot in there."

Parker giggled, earning a suspicious look from the men. "Oh, nothing," she said, looking quite mischievous.

"Parker…" Nate prompted.

Her grin widened. "No. I won't tell!"

"Parker, you have three seconds to explain," Eliot threatened.

Parker's eyes sparkled with mischief. Her grin widened. "Eliot, you might not want to drive home tonight."

"Why not?" Eliot growled.

Parker just grinned, barely able to hold in her laughter. "Oh, and if you start shaking, or feel jittery, or anxious, that's normal."

"Parker, what did you do?" Eliot said slowly through clenched teeth.

Nate and Hardison looked at her expectantly.

She burst out laughing. "I might have put something in your drink."

Eliot fought to keep himself from strangling her. "What did you put in my drink?"

"Something I made in my home…" Parker said in a singsong voice.

"What?" Eliot demanded.

"It's harmless. You just might feel a little weird. And have night terrors. And get dizzy. And sweat a lot." She glanced at his soaked shirt with a smile. "_Aaaand _your pee might be orange, but that's it. Oh, and the other stuff I already mentioned.

"You _poisoned_ me?" Eliot nearly lunged at her, but Nate and Hardison caught him.

Parker giggled, "Goodnight!"

"Parker," Eliot jerked free from Nate and Hardison's grips, but nearly fell over in the process. The room was spinning.

Parker turned from the door. "I can't stay, Eliot. I have to feed my cat."

"You don't have a cat." Hardison said, pointing out the obvious.

Parker just grinned and left.

"Little liar. I'm going to kill her," Eliot grumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: You know the drill.

Since Eliot was in no condition to drive, Nate brought him a pillow and blanket down and told him that he could sleep on the couch. Nate made himself comfortable in a plush chair.

"You don't have to do this, Nate." Eliot was shaking now and dripping with perspiration. Nate decided to go get his friend some water. No use in him passing out from dehydration too. "I know, but what else am I going to do? I can't risk letting you drive."

Eliot took the water, "Thanks. I'm fine, you know." Water sloshed around in the cup and a few drops escaped over the edge.

Nate watched Eliot try not to spill the water. "I can see that. Goodnight, Eliot."

Eliot grumbled a reply, and they went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I should just stop doing these.

"Lou, I'm home!" Parker called as she opened the door to her new apartment. She had accidentally detonated her last one.

A furry black cat meowed in response. Parker wandered over to her couch where she found Lou sprawled out. She grinned, "Silly kitty. How are you?" She sat down and rubbed Lou's ample belly.

"Mrow," came the reply.

"I know, I know," Parker said as she got up and went into the kitchen. She opened a can of cat food and put it in Lou's crystal bowl, then tapped the bowl with a fork, just like on the commercials. On cue, Lou strode into the kitchen and began eating his food.

She grinned and was watching Lou eat when her phone buzzed.

She took the phone from her shoe, which was a much safer place to keep it than a pocket, and glanced at the number.

Hardison.

"Hey," she answered happily as she browsed her cupboards for something to much on.

"Parker, why did you _poison_ Eliot?" Hardison asked.

She decided on a box of animal crackers. "We were talking about pranking him, and I though it would be funny."

"Pranking _is_ funny. _Poisoning_ is not."

"I thought it was funny."

"No one else did."

"I slaved over a hot stove in my home to make that poison and no one appreciated it? How inconsiderate!"

"Parker, I don't think that you understand what you're talking about. _Poisoning _people is serious business." Hardison tried to explain.

"But you guys have me do it for jobs." Parker sounded confused now.

"That's because they're the bad guys and we want to take them down. Eliot is not a bad guy."

"He used to be." Parker mercilessly bit the head off of a zebra.

Hardison winced at the loud crunching sounds in his ear. Girl needed to learn to chew with her mouth closed. And not smack.

"That's not the point. It's not right to poison your friends," he tried.

"But I was just pranking him."

"People don't get hurt in pranking, or at least they're not supposed to." Hardison clarified.

"He's not hurt, just uncomfortable, which, according to WikiHow, is the goal of pranking people. He'll be fine in the morning." Parker shrugged.

"Yeah, but you don't…never mind. I'll teach you how to prank people the right way. Okay? No more poisoning people?"

"Not even on jobs?"

"Not without Nate's sanction."

"All right." Parker conceded.

"Okay. Goodnight, Parker."

"Goodnight, Hardison." She hung up her phone and glanced at Lou. "You would have laughed, wouldn't you, Lou?"

The cat purred in response.

Parker grinned and scooped up her cat before heading to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Sophie jerked awake to a loud scream. Immediately, she reached for her gun, but it wasn't there! Then she remembered that she was in Nate's apartment. Did he even have a gun?

The scream sounded again. Deep, throaty, and agonizing. It sounded like Eliot.

Sophie tiptoed downstairs to find Nate sipping whiskey while Eliot lay on the couch.

"Nate?" She called softly.

He didn't acknowledge her.

"Nate?" She tried a little louder.

Still no response.

She sat down at the island next to him and he jumped, "Sophie? You're up?" He spoke a little too loudly.

"Nate, what's going on?" She asked.

Nate took an orange ear plug out of his ear, only to wince when Eliot screamed again. "Guess I took it out too soon."

"What's going on, Nate?" Sophie repeated.

"Parker poisoned Eliot, so he's staying here. He couldn't drive home, and now he's screaming because Parker's poison gives night terrors."

"Why would she do that?"

Nate shrugged, "It's Parker."

Sophie nodded. "How--"

She was interrupted by a loud scream.

"How did the job go?" She finished.

"Not too well. We got the money and took down the company, but Eliot wasn't at the top of his game tonight." Nate explained.

"The poison." Sophie nodded.

"Maybe. She may have done it during the job though." Nate took another drink of the amber-colored liquid in his glass.

Nate and Sophie winced at another scream.

"Have you tried waking him up?" Sophie asked, covering her ears.

Nate nodded. "I've thrown some things at him, but he won't wake up."

Sophie glanced over at the shaking, sweat-soaked Eliot on the couch. "Poor thing. I think I'm going to go home, Nate. I'll see you later."

Nate lifted his glass in response. "Bye, Sophie."


	5. Chapter 5

Eliot woke up the next morning with a sore throat. His whole body was drenched in sweat, making him quite cold. He looked around and remembered having to stay in Nate's apartment because of Parker.

He was going to kill her.

He got up and got a glass of water. He was parched.

"Sleep okay?" Nate said, coming down the spiral staircase.

"Not really. I feel exhausted." Eliot replied before downing the entire glass. He filled it up again. "You don't look like you slept."

"I didn't. With you screaming all night, I'm lucky I'm not deaf."

"I screamed?"

"Those night terrors Parker was talking about."

"No wonder my throat's killing me."

"You feeling all right now?" Nate asked, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

"Fine. Parker'd better watch out, though."

Nate smirked, "Just don't put her in the hospital. We need her. Now go home and take a shower. You look like you just climbed out of a swimming pool."

"All right. See ya, Nate." Eliot grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

"Don't be late for work," Nate called as Eliot left. He laughed to himself and went back to his cereal.


	6. Chapter 6

"All right, Parker. Now _this _is how you prank someone." Hardison grinned as he tapped his phone's touch-screen. "All right, the security system is disarmed. Now all you have to do is break in."

Parker was excited to be pranking Eliot, but a little shocked. Hardison had told her where Eliot lived, and it turned out to be the exact apartment beneath hers. She didn't tell Hardison, but it was weird to think that she and Eliot lived in the same building.

Hardison watched in confusion when Parker pulled out a ring of keys and examined each one before selecting the one she wanted. "Why you got keys? Break in, Parker!"

"I am," Parker whispered as she slid the key into the doorknob and turned it. She smiled when she heard the satisfying _click_ of the bolt sliding back into the door.

"Why do you have a key to Eliot's apartment?" Hardison asked.

"I took his keys and made copies." Parker answered.

"Why?"

"In case I needed them. And I do." Parker and Hardison crept into Eliot's apartment and silently shut the door behind them.

"Do you have keys to Nate's apartment?" Hardison asked.

"Yep."

"Sophie's?"

"Yep."

Hardison hesitated before asking, "Mine?"

"Yep."

"Girl, that just ain't right. You know--"

"Shh!" Parker held her finger in front of Hardison's face. "You'll wake him up. Now let's get started."

"All right. But I still think--"

"No talking!" Parker whispered. She took a bottle of baby powder out of her backpack and opened it. She squeezed the bottle, sending a puff of white dust into the air. She looked at Hardison and nodded.

Hardison nodded back and retrieved his own bottle of baby powder. Quickly and silently, they coated everything in Eliot's living room with a nice layer of scented white powder. Hardison moved to the kitchen, where he began Saran-wrapping the fridge, pots, pans, silver ware, plates, bowls, cups, and knives. He poured a disgusting thick liquid into some of the cups, bowls, and pots before wrapping them in multiple layers of Saran wrap. Other things were filled with mud, dirt, and other unpleasant substances.

Parker switched the contents of all of the bottles in Eliot's bathroom. She grinned and decided to use some of her own ideas, and not tell Hardison. She took Eliot's toothbrush and put it in her own mouth, then replaced it. She covered the floor in slick hair conditioner that Eliot had in his shower, then unrolled the toilet paper.

Hardison made instant Jell-O and put kick-knacks inside of it. Parker followed suit and put Eliot's TV remote in Jell-O.

With the kitchen, living room, and bathroom pranked, Parker and Hardison moved to Eliot's bedroom. Parker retrieved the shaving cream and toothpaste from her backpack. She swiftly and deftly began to draw on Eliot's face, arms, and chest with the toothpaste. Hardison filled one of Eliot's hands with shaving cream, as well as his ears. Parker sprinkled craft feathers and glitter over Eliot for good measure, then pulled out her thermos and a bowl. She handed the bowl to Hardison and filled it with the warm water from her thermos. She grinned in anticipation, although, she was upset that she couldn't see Eliot's reaction when he woke up. Hardison wouldn't let her bug Eliot's apartment.

The bowl full, Hardison carefully placed it next to Eliot, when Eliot moved to his side. Hardison and Parker looked at each other and decided to try again. Parker reached over and took Eliot's hand, gently moving it towards the bowl.

Eliot's eyes popped open and Parker would have gotten a fist to the face had she not ducked so quickly.

"What's going on?" Eliot roared, jumping up. He looked down to see the sticky mess all over him. "Parker!"

Parker had disappeared after Eliot had nearly punched her. She was hiding on the top shelf in Eliot's closet.

Eliot turned and glared at Hardison, wiping shaving cream out of his ears with one hand while the other clenched into a fist.

"I am so sorry. She made me do it!" Hardison pleaded.

"Clean this up now!" Eliot said, pointing to his bed which was full of shaving cream, toothpaste, and spilt water.

"Yes sir! I just want you to know, this was _not _my idea." Hardison rambled.

"Shut up! Where is she?" Eliot growled.

Hardison had moved to Eliot's bed, where he was stripping the sheets. "I don't know but she and I should really RUN!" He darted out of the room, stopping only long enough to open Eliot's front door. Eliot chased him, but stopped once Hardison left the apartment, as he was only wearing boxers and was covered in toothpaste, shaving cream, feathers, and who knew. what else. He heard Parker laugh and turned to see her jump out the window.

"Parker!" He ran over to the window and watched her get in _his _truck and drive away. Hardison was waiting for Parker at the van, but she nearly hit him as she sped out of the parking lot.

_No reason to let Eliot know that we live in the same building, _she thought.

Hardison jumped in the van and followed Parker.

Eliot shook his head, muttering curses under his breath, and went into the bathroom to clean up.


	7. Chapter 7

Eliot stormed into Nate's apartment , ready to punch the daylights out of Hardison. Sophie and Nate were sitting at the table sipping coffee.

"And I woke up covered in toothpaste, feathers, shaving cream, and glitter!" Sophie was saying. "My whole apartment's a mess. It's going to take _forever_ to clean up!"

"They got you too, huh?" Eliot said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"What do you mean?" Sophie asked.

"Parker and Hardison broke into my apartment last night and did the same thing to me."

"How did they have enough time to get us both?" Sophie wondered aloud.

"I don't know. All I have to say is, Nate, you better watch out tonight." Eliot said, sitting down at the table.

"Thanks for the warning," Nate said, raising his mug to his mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

"We goan die." Hardison complained to Parker as they arrived at Nate's door.

"We'll be fine." Parker smiled slyly. "Eliot wouldn't hurt us."

"Hurt you. Eliot wouldn't hurt you." Hardison corrected.

Parker opened the door and strode in. Hardison timidly followed.

"I heard you two were busy last night," Nate called.

Parker grinned. "Yup. Hardison was teaching me how to prank people. It was great!"

"I just want to say I am _so _sorry," Hardison began.

"Oh save it!" Sophie snapped. "You two should come over and clean my apartment to make up for what you did!"

"What _we _did?" Hardison asked, confused. He gestured to Parker and himself. "_We _didn't do anything to your apartment, Sophie."

"Then why did I wake up a mess and my apartment a mess?" Sophie looked angry.

"We had so much fun pranking Eliot, I decided to prank you too, Sophie! It was funny, wasn't it?" Parker grinned.

"_We _had fun pranking Eliot? What's with all of this _we_?" Hardison asked.

"No, it was not funny, Parker! It was downright mean!" Sophie stood up.

Eliot approached Hardison, who backed away. "Naw, it's all right. I just wanted to say that I understand tryin' to teach Parker somethin' new. No hard feelings." He extended his hand.

"This is a trap! I ain't dumb! I _know_ this is a trap!" Hardison was backed into a wall.

"You bet it's a trap," Eliot said before swinging his fist and hitting Hardison hard.

"Aw! Aw! Man!" Hardison covered his eye with his hand. "I need some ice! Somebody get me some ice!"

"That's what ya get," Eliot turned to Parker. "And _you _better watch your back, missy."

Parker just looked confused, then turned and tried to look at her back.

"All right, now if everybody's even now, we have work to do," Nate said, taking control.


	9. Chapter 9

"How do you prank Parker?" Eliot asked Sophie as the two planned their revenge. "Nothing gets to her."

"Except money." Sophie put in.

"Yeah, but then she'd kill us. We gotta leave money out of this."

"What if we just made her think that the bank she put her money in went under and all of it is gone?" Sophie suggested. "She'd still have her money, so we'd be safe, but we get our revenge."

"I like it." Eliot nodded. "Now how do we do that?"

Sophie turned and looked at the team's hacker, who was busy playing World of Warcraft on his laptop and nursing his black eye.

Eliot smirked and nodded in approval.


	10. Chapter 10

"No. I am not helping you two prank Parker." Hardison said, holding up his hands.

Eliot stood above Hardison and cracked his knuckles, "Ya ain't got much of a choice."

Hardison gulped. "No. Do whatever you want to me, but I can't help you."

"And why not?" Sophie asked, tilting her head and giving one of her signature-Sophie-Devereaux looks.

"'Cause, it's…hard to explain." Hardison stammered.

"Well, ya better start tryin'." Eliot growled.

"Um, okay, it's like this. I, uh, I kinda… like… Parker." Hardison fidgeted with his hands and looked away from Sophie and Eliot.

"And?" Eliot prompted.

"And he doesn't want to hurt her. Aw, that's so sweet." Sophie's features softened. She smiled, thinking of ways that she could set Hardison and Parker up. She always did like playing matchmaker.

"We ain't gonna hurt her!" Eliot clarified, "Just make her pay."

"No. I ain't gonna be a part of this." Hardison said.

"Eliot, we'll figure something else out." Sophie said. "We can't make him do it."

"Yes we can."

"I would rather you not try," Hardison interjected.

"No. We'll do it ourselves." Sophie stated.

Eliot looked at Sophie, then conceded. "All right, but Hardison, if you say _anything _to Parker about this, I'll blacken your other eye."

"Got it." Hardison nodded, though wondering if he could let this go on. Well, he got punched. She could take it. Parker didn't have to know that he knew what was going to happen. Besides, hadn't he told her that sometimes people prank back? _Yeah, this'll be all right, _he thought. _I hope._


	11. Chapter 11

Parker ripped open the envelope from her bank. She loved seeing the balance, especially since she had just deposited some more cash. Her eyes scanned the letter, but instead of seeing numbers, she only saw words. She quickly read the later, shaking with every word she read. This couldn't be happening! All of her money! Gone!

She ripped up the letter and swore revenge against whatever idiot helped the bank go under. They would pay. She would get her money back. And more.

Her phone buzzed.

Taking a moment from her vengeful plans, she read the text message.

_Did you get the letter? I said you should watch out._

Eliot! Oh, he was good. She would get him back, if it was the last thing she did.


	12. Chapter 12

"What should we do, Lou?" Parker asked her cat as she paced her apartment. "And what do you think about Eliot's apartment being in the same building as ours?"

"Mrow." Lou stretched out and waited for Parker to come rub his belly.

"I know. It's weird. How could we have moved into our new home and _not_ known that Eliot lived here too? I mean, we would have found out eventually, but I guess since I'd never been to his apartment before Hardison and I pranked him, it makes sense. You and I have only lived her a few days." Parker kept pacing.

"Mrowow." Lou tried to stick his belly up higher so Parker would notice. She didn't.

"I know! We'll buy the apartment building, and I'll be his landlady, and we'll evict him!" Parker stopped pacing and grinned.

"Mow."

"Yeah, that is a bit harsh. How about we just make him miserable? He lives right under us."

"Prrrrow."

"I knew you'd like that, Lou!" Parker skipped away, planning for her next prank.


	13. Chapter 13

Eliot opened the letter that was addressed to his alias, Joshua McKlellan. He quickly scanned the letter, unfazed by its contents. Some woman named Amanda Jones, had just bought his apartment building. Everything would stay the same; no changes in rent or anything.

He raised an eyebrow when he read Amanda Jones's contact information. She only gave an email address. No phone number, room number, address, post office box. Anything. Just an email address. The letter ended saying, "if you have an emergency, please call 911."

_Thanks, Amanda Jones. I never would'a thought of that._

He tucked the letter away and went to the offices.


End file.
